The machines are taking over! No, that’s not a pejorative reference to the robotic life forms otherwise known as SLT, merely a dawning realisation that the age of automation is closing upon us. First, they came for the retailers, then they came for the drivers, then they came for the teachers. Don’t worry though, it’ll be some time yet before Artificial Intelligence can handle adolescent school children without short-circuiting. In the meantime, let’s train it up on these tasks and see if it still fancies taking on our jobs full time…
Marking
Do androids dream of electric sheep? They will do after a double dose of Y7 and Y10 books. Just the sight of those piles lulls us into a soporific trance. Some programs already take care of binary maths problems but, until they build an algorithm capable of meting out two stars and a wish, humanities teachers are forced to continue with the ironically inhumane approach of scrolling through essay after essay.
Data crunching
The machine’s raison d’être and the teacher’s bête noire. Should be a marriage made in heaven, yet the data issue is still frequently cited as grounds for divorce. SIMS, it’s about time you picked up more of the slack.
Break duty
1984 led me to believe that there’d be totalitarian surveillance of leisure time before the twentieth century was out. So, two decades into the twenty-first century and with drones, spyware and speaker systems so cheap that students can afford them, why am I made to stand in a rainswept schoolyard watching what they get up to?
Revision
With all essential teaching and learning having already taken place, consolidation can be delegated to computers. By this point, PCs are not the only things prone to crashing. Luckily, we’ve just had an extra charge and have made online revision material available for pupils (no extra charge required from you or them).
Stationery dispensing/collecting
Digitisation will make ballpoint pens, erasers, highlighters and glue sticks obsolete eventually. Until that day comes though, an electronic stationery caddy that hovers around the room dishing out supplies and tidying up discarded lids, snapped pencils and rubber shavings would be a very welcome assistant. Basically Henry Hoover MK.II. If there are any tech teachers out there who can patent this, you might be out of the profession before the rest of us!
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