Meetings are important. Or so we’re told. They keep a department up-to-date on important developments. Brief a whole school on wide-reaching changes. And sometimes… just bore us to tears.

“Why don’t we have food?”

One of the reasons you might chance turning up to a meeting in the first place is the promise of potential baked goods, biscuits, cake and sweets. If you turn up and there’s a plastic Sainsbury’s tub filled with miniature muffins, it might be worth taking a seat. Otherwise, you’re left thinking… where’s the food?

“This could’ve been an email, surely.”

If the all-important update being delivered in the meeting isn’t A) up for discussion and B) a sensitive, confidential matter could it not have been emailed to me instead? What? I don’t read my emails? I mean, yes that’s also true but it’s not the point.

“Should I even be here?“

Either you’re meant to be in this meeting and there’s nothing relevant to you (annoying) or you’ve turned up to a meeting and you’re not even meant to be there (horrifying). There are a million and one things a teacher could do besides sitting in another meeting – especially if it’s not relevant. Is it bad etiquette to just excuse yourself?

“You need me to do what, in addition to everything else?”

Meetings can sometimes be used to deliver news. Bad news. The marking policy is changing and it means it’ll be more work for everyone. The sets are having a re-jig for reasons you can’t quite understand. Breaking news like this in an email can be deleted. Forgotten. If you’re there and offering face time, everyone knows you heard it and you can’t deny it later. Cheeky.

“How long until I can leave?”

Usually, this thought tends to occur somewhere at the half-way point of the meeting when there’s a lull in the conversation (that you’re not involved in) and when someone has ‘other business’ when someone asks if there’s any other business. Yes, I know that the Year 7s are having a bake sale tomorrow. Alright, fine. I’ll bring 50p in for a cornflake bun. Just let me go home.

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