Say Goodbye to Partying

Friday nights are not for painting the town red if you’re marrying a teacher. That’s far too much like hard work. Just give your partner a big glass of wine and let them curl up in a ball on the sofa. Preferably by 6pm.

We Spend Our Own Money on the Job

Household expenses include subsidising the education of strangers. Spending on printer cartridges is second only to the mortgage and you will never again be able to find a glue stick or highlighter because all serviceable stationery has been snaffled for use in the classroom.

Holidays Will Forever Be Busy and Expensive

If you’re marrying a teacher, every holiday you ever go on will include a high proportion of families and children. What’s more, you pay extra for this privilege. Nor can you enjoy a day out locally without school-age children gawping at you. If you hear the family name uttered, ignore it.

We’ll Use Our Behaviour Management Ideas at Home

Arguments will be settled with a look. Once you’ve received the patented teacher stare, don’t bother saying anything else. Conversely, expect to be praised for good behaviour, although phrases such as “Excellent work” and “Keep up the effort” will inevitably sound more patronising than intended.

We Are Also Married to the Job

And we already have dozens of kids. In fact, we make the average bigamist look like a Stepford wife. Sometimes it might seem as if we’re not really there, but actually, that’s when we need you most.

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