Here’s a handy checklist to ensure you have a successful day at school.

• Confiscate 3 phones, lend a tie that never returns and tell everyone to tuck their shirts in a few times before the end of form time.
• Remind your eager year 7s in period 1 that lining up to show you their first sentence isn’t necessary. You’ll mark it later.
• Explain that body spray is not a substitute for taking a shower to those year 9 boys during period 2.
• Spend your 15 minutes of break trying, and failing, to do some printing. Either because the queue is massive or you had a break duty you forgot about until reminded.
• Run to and arrive at period 3 out of breath to find out that your PowerPoint hasn’t saved properly. Planning out of the window. Time to wing it and avoid doing the ‘I need a wee’ dance all lesson.
• The amazing year 11s of period 4 have turned into goo and quite honestly, with all of the revision, you can’t blame them. Pick up what you can and remind them that everything will be just fine.
• Stop a couple of cheeky so-and-sos pushing into the lunch queue before doing exactly that yourself. Tell them that you’re busier than they are.
• Drop the filling of your sandwich onto the books you’re trying to mark. Oops.
• Forget to go to the toilet. Again.
• Remember that periods 5 and 6 are a double lesson with the rowdy year 8s. It’s also been raining at lunch. Consider locking yourself in the cupboard. Think better of it.
• Tell the year 8s that, yes, you do know what a fortnight is. That’s the space between now and the middle of half term. Right?
• Survive the day. Do some marking. Begin walking toward your car only to remember that you should be in a meeting. Promptly sprint back to school through the car park.
• When you finally get home, remember that despite how exhausted you might feel, you can’t wait to do it all again tomorrow.

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