A couple of weeks ago, news broke that a private school in Oxfordshire was capping the value of gifts to teachers at £50. Besides a job at any school where parents might actually lavish staff with such appreciation, it got us wondering what all the teachers on Santa’s good list this year might be wishing for…

Here are some ideas from our Christmas list:

• A magic marker. Not those thick felt-tips that students always think they can get high on, we’re talking about an enchanted pen that skips through piles of books, annotating pupils’ work with the words of wisdom from our heads that take an age to put to paper when relying on a conventional ballpoint pen. If the elves are busy making stationery, then a pack of perpetual self-cleansing glue sticks would also come in handy.
• A snow day. We’re not dreaming of a white Christmas so much as a pre-Christmas flurry that’s heavy enough to close the school but not heavy enough to stop us getting to the shops and generally getting ourselves a bit more Yuletidy and organised in advance of the big day. And death by avalanche to anyone who dares to remark that teachers have enough holidays already.
• Quentin Tarantino to produce this year’s school production. That should get bums on seats and make for something more novel than the Nativity or The Wizard of Oz.
• Peace on Earth and goodwill to all men. Global peace ideally, but if it has to be confined to our classrooms then we’re prepared to settle for that.
• Expensive presents are nice. A pay rise would be even nicer. But what most teachers want more than anything can’t be bought: just give us a little respect. We’d like to think we’ve earned it.

Failing all that, a simple thank you or a box of Quality Street would more than suffice.

Here’s hoping that, between them, Santa and your students fulfil some of your Christmas wishes!

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