Educating young people is no easy feat. Teachers everywhere know that if we don’t laugh we’ll probably cry our eyes out. We’ve all been in tricky situations, been embarrassed and made mistakes as teachers. We don’t always get it right so sharing our funny teacher stories is a great way to show fellow teachers they are not alone!
Jodi’s story…
We reached out to a number of teachers across the UK to hear their funny teacher stories. We spoke to Jodi, a Maths teacher of four years, who described her first ever lesson as an NQT at a school in Derbyshire. “I was teaching A Level Maths,” Jodi explains. “Five minutes into the lesson, a student stood up and said, ‘Nope, this is not for me, can I go and see the head of sixth form and drop Maths?’ Writing it off as a bad start, Jodi began her second ever lesson as an NQT… this time with a Year 10 Maths group, “I was doing OK when all of a sudden one of the girls just passed out in front of me.” It would have been helpful for Jodi to know that the student had a medical condition that caused this to happen regularly. “She was fine,” Jodi adds. Crisis averted, but not the most encouraging starting point for a young NQT’s teaching career!
Emma’s story…
No matter how much you prepare, teaching has a way of throwing you major curveballs. Emma, an English teacher from the North West found herself tongue-tied when faced with some inappropriate language. She said, “When I was an NQT, I had a very innocent Year 9 boy come up to me and ask what a rude word was in front of the whole class.” (We’ll leave said word up to your imagination) Emma continues, “It was a class of challenging boys who had been calling him the rude word and he genuinely didn’t know what it meant. I was in so much shock and so embarrassed that my first response was, ‘Erm erm erm ask your Mum,’ and then I realised what I said, and was like, ‘NO NO NO NO, do not ask your Mum!!!’ The kids were lying across the tables dying with laughter.” At least you can laugh about it now Emma!
Marie’s story…
Sadly, the ‘teacher fails’ don’t stop with experience. Marie has been an English teacher for over a decade and she still got herself caught up in a joke gone wrong! Marie says, “I once convinced my Year 7s that I lived at school and I kept it up for a half term.” Yes, you read that right, an entire half term! Marie adds: “My Year 8 class was filming a soap opera, so I had pillows, duvets, plates, cups etc in the classroom. When my Year 7 class enquired about them I said they were for me, and that I lived in my classroom and used the showers in the changing rooms each morning before the pupils arrived so I would be ready for work. I had them totally convinced. I had to tell them in the end because I felt bad!” Sometimes even teachers stretch the truth.
Damian’s story…
There’s always a risk that things could go seriously wrong when you’re in charge of teenagers! Damian, a P.E teacher from Cornwall knows that all too well. He says, “On a residential trip to Flanders Fields to learn a bit of history with our students, we were taken to see some of the items that get dug up each day from the war.” It was all going so well. Damian continues, “on showing us the items, the guide stated very clearly that one table was filled with items that they *could* touch as they were definitely deactive. However, table 2 was filled with a few items that may still be active and should *not* be touched at all. My colleague turned around in horror to see a student – who clearly paid no attention to the warnings – juggling a potentially live hand grenade whilst giggling and saying, “Look at me, Miss, I have the hot potato!” And they say teaching is easy, it’s a miracle he’s alive to tell the tale!
Deb’s story…
What do you do when you need a helping hand from a criminal student? Kent based Maths teacher, Deb found herself pondering. Deb says, “Standing in a car park at college in the late 1990s realising my car keys were locked in my car, I was just about to call a breakdown company when two lads from the alternative curriculum class asked me what the problem was. One produced a metal rod from their bag and 10 seconds later I was in my car reunited with my keys.” We’re not sure if they should have been punished or praised!
Sometimes us teachers can really overestimate our students’ ability to read between the lines. Our silly jokes can carry a hefty price!
Sarah’s story…
“I saw a kid take some litmus paper, stick it on their tongue and look to see what happened,” says Sarah, a Science teacher from the Midlands. “My number one rule, as with any Science teacher, was that nobody eats or drinks in the lab, or puts their grubby little mitts near their mouths. I said, ‘Hey, did you just put litmus paper in your mouth?!’ and they instantly replied with, ‘No?!’ I said, ‘Thank goodness! Phew! I’m so relieved!’ and this obviously piqued their interest. When they wanted to know why I was so relieved I said, ‘Because if you had, it makes your hair fall out in patches, not loads just in chunks, it grows back of course, just in massive tufts,’ and I knew I had done the wrong thing when this very panicked Year 8 girl burst into tears. I now see that it was the wrong thing to do.” Well we know one thing for sure, that’s the last time they’ll put hand to mouth in Sarah’s class!
Paul’s story…
Cover lessons are the bane of teachers’ lives all over the world, especially if you know nothing about the subject. Even with his six years of teaching experience, Chester-based English teacher Paul met his match in a Year 9 textiles lesson. Paul said, “I once had to cover a Year 9 textiles lesson. No work had been set and it’s far from my specialist subject so I was relieved when the class entered sensibly and proceeded to get on with independent project work. However, when one of them fired up the sewing machine, a million sketchy risk assessments flashed before my eyes and all practical work was nipped in the bud.” (I now can’t get the image of punctured fingers out of my head)
He continues, “In contrast, the sorting of fabrics seemed a harmless enough activity, even by a trio of girls engaged in a playful debate that seemed to be getting progressively heated. When one of them started banging her hand on the table I thought it was time to intervene and, as I approached the table, the banging stopped and they all went ashen. Now, I don’t possess the authority to strike fear into teenagers so I suspected something was amiss but I wasn’t prepared for the table banger to turn around with her palm in the air and a sewing needle sticking clean through it! At first I thought I was the victim of a hoax but three hyperventilating young ladies assured me that that wasn’t the case, so I quickly sent the injured party to the nearest first aider in the company of one friend while the other explained that the needle must have been hiding in the pile of fabric…
“Miraculously, she was back within ten minutes sporting a plaster on either side of her hand and holding the offending needle, which sported just the faintest of bloodstains. Disaster averted, no more work got done that lesson and I never “taught” textiles again.” We don’t blame you Paul…that one definitely blurs the line between funny teacher stories and horror stories…
We hope you can see from these funny teacher stories that ‘teacher fails’ are part and parcel of the profession. All teachers have stories to tell. Please feel free to share your funny teacher stories with us!
Don’t forget to read even more of our blogs here! You can also subscribe to Beyond for access to thousands of secondary teaching resources. You can sign up for a free account here and take a look around at our free resources before you subscribe too.