If teachers behaved like Big Business…

• Lessons would be termed strategic multimedia presentations. Each one would take a week of meticulous planning and we would expect to be undisturbed during the entire operation.
• We would award ourselves annual bonuses just for doing our job and jet off to the Seychelles rather than caravan to Scarborough come holiday time.
• Marking? You mean a personalised consultancy service. There’s a surcharge for that. Stakeholders should pay it out of their dinner money, which is splendid value for grade-A advice.
• Open days would take on a whole new flavour as prospective clients are wined and dined. Granted, there are certain families we’d rather not entertain but suddenly working late seem like more of a perk!
• Underachievers would be unceremoniously dismissed. Those with below-average target grades wouldn’t get through the door in the first place.
• We might pay a bit more attention to data.

If Big Business behaved like teachers…

• The world might be a better place.

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